...I'm gonna live forevaaaaa...

"I had an epiphany a few years ago where I was out at a celebrity party and it suddenly dawned on me that I had yet to meet a celebrity who is as smart and interesting as any of my friends."
-Moby

It's been a big celebrity period for me. Oscars on Sunday, Tibet House benefit on Monday. I really enjoy seeing the celebrities who eat, sleep and breath their image, art or music, particularly in contrast to those who don't. I watched the pre-Oscars Oprah celebrities-interview-each-other fabstravaganza, or at least part of it, and I found it pretty interesting. George Clooney grills burgers. I grill burgers! OMG! He's just like me!

Seriously though, he seems like a really cool, down-to-earth guy. This seems to be considerably easier for actors than any other celebrity (which makes it all the more annoying when actors completely lose their minds). It seems like musicians and artists really need to sell themselves and their work a lot more thoroughly. It makes sense, because to pull off some of the things that they pull off, you really need to believe in yourself. Who's going to like your lyrics or your painting if you yourself express uncertainty as to whether it's any good? Who's going to give you a chance if you can't even say your own band name with a straight face? "Hey, I guess we're Platonic Sasquatch." Is that really any weirder than Pearl Jam?

And the thing is, the longer these people stay famous, the more capable they are of convincing themselves, and thus everyone else, that totally ridiculous things are cool. I saw Sonic Youth play a few years ago. Ironically, I think they're now all over 50, and have been doing this for almost 30 years. After every other song, they'd all just start squealing their guitars and making feedback. To be honest, it approached being unbearable. But I didn't leave. I didn't boo. All I did was plug my ears, mutter something to myself and wait for the next song. And that was probably the most negative reaction they got in the whole room. Some people actually enjoyed it. If you walked into a bar and a band you'd never seen before was doing the exact same thing, they'd be hard pressed not to get nailed in the face with a full can of beer.

"The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people, they think it's their fault. "
- Henry Kissinger

The moral of the story is that we can convince ourselves that anything is good. When I was in college, sorority girls used to walk around during the winter dressed like my grandmother, which is ridiculous. But they thought they looked hot, and thus, so did everyone else. I personally enjoy wearing two different colors and styles of plaid, one over another. Aesthetically, it's terrible, but I kinda like it. So in summation, I am exactly what I'm ranting about. Go figure.

What I ate while I was writing this: Grilled roast beef melt. A little deli roast beef, sliced up into little pieces, some red onion and chunks of cheddar, tossed on a hot skillet until warm and melted. Covered the bread with some horseradish and a dash of BBQ. Delish.

Where the eagles fly, over mountains high...

The subtleties of life abound. The next time you interact with someone of the opposite sex, keep track of a few things. First, your tone of voice. Are you speaking lower than you would usually? Higher? Softer? Second, the way you carry yourself, or more importantly, the way everyone else carries themselves. This is pretty easy if you're still in school or take public transportation. Look at the girls, look at the guys. What do you see? The subtle differences speak volumes.

When I was about 10 years old, I thought the 80's was to music what the weight room is to Bobby Fischer: a total waste of time. At the ripe old age of 22, I've realized that I was a total idiot. Prince was awesome. The Fine Young Cannibals were awesome. Hall and Oates were beyond terrible, but that's ok, because INXS was bitchin'. Not only that, many pictures of me in tiny shorts originated in the 80's. Overall, I'd give that decade a solid B/B+ (Would be at least an A-, but seriously, Hall and Oates were fucking terrible).

What I ate while I wrote this: Nothing, because I just had a shawarma. Quite possibly the world's greatest drunk food. Shaved lamb with lettuce, tomato and onion with plenty of garlic and chili sauces. Totally delicious, combined with a residual freshness in your mouth. It's like brushing your teeth with a burrito.

You're all screwed

Get your buckets ready, folks. In these frigid times, the plumbing of my mind has burst forth mental sewage onto the internet and straight into your homes. Inspired by capitalist propaganda and radical lunacy, I'm here to present you with some good-old-fashioned, totally useless drivel. The kind you used to get from your drunk friend at 3am in college when he decided it was time to "have a serious talk", because that's who I am: your drunk friend.

I'd like to start by telling you all how much I relish the opportunity for us to have a little "me" time together, because that's what it is. Sure, you can write some comments telling me how truly fascinating I am, or how you'd rather I not reveal your full name, phone number and address on the internet, but that doesn't mean I'm going to read any of them. Keep doing it though, because it'll look very impressive to everyone else.

Somebody recently recited a quote from Shawshank Redeption: "How often do you really look at a man's shoes?" Well, personally, I look at peoples shoes a lot, and in New York, most people's shoes are incredibly stupid. I don't mean ugly or too stylized, I mean illogical and stupid. I walked through the streets a week or so ago in the snow. There was a lot of snow, and it had been snowing all day, long before anyone had left their house (i.e. made their shoe decision for the day). What I saw was dozens of people wearing heals and low-cut Euro-style sneakers. One girl was leaning on her boyfriend because she was wearing high-healed boots and trying to walk on an unshoveled sidewalk. How many times have you ever seen a girl wearing Uggs and thought to yourself, "Now that girl is thinkin'." I'm losing my mind.

Food I Ate While I Wrote This:
(I hope to make this a continuous blog feature. I most likely will be writing these between the hours of midnight and 4am. I tend to do a lot of eating during that same period and more often than not, it's some very strange eating, so here it goes.)
Impromptu spinach dip: Sortof an epiphany, very simple. Get out equal volumes (approximately) of frozen spinach (pre-wilted!) and sharp cheddar cheese. Put the spinach in a bowl, cover with water (just barely) and microwave for about 30 seconds, just enough to thaw the spinach. Drain. Toss in the cheese on top, and maybe a little red wine vinegar to taste. Microwave on low for 30 seconds to soften the cheese, stir together and microwave until it all looks melted. Stir, eat with chips.
Drink: I double fisted black tea and orange soda.